MYRONMAN HATES EVERYTHING

Okay, so the other day when I was looking at my credit card balance and about to pay the bill, I noticed a weird message that was displayed on the screen. It read something like “your card is owned. We closed your account. Please call this number so that we can send you a new credit card, and waste lots of your time with police reports and notary public signatures, etc. etc. etc.”

So, since I couldn’t even pay the bill on my account, I was forced to call the fucking number:

Fraud Support Agent: Good afternoon, may I have your account number (again. why in the fuck do they make you dial 15 numbers to select the appropriate place to be at, then ask you to enter the entire number of the goddamned card, which you never have at the time, and then, finally, when you get to a fucking person, ask you AGAIN FOR YOU FUCKING CARD NUMBER. ADDRESS. AND ALL KINDS OF OTHER INFORMATION THAT ENSURES THAT YOU WILL TOO BE FUCKING OWNED IN THE FUTURE)?

Me: Yeah *mumbles number several times before the agent actually gets it in*

Fraud Support Agent (FSA): Thank you for your information sir.

Me: Why am I calling this number now? Why was my account closed?

FSA: Well sir, it looks like there is some fraudulent activity on your account?

Me: Where? How do you know it’s fraudulent activity?

FAS: Sir, our system has tracked activity that it believes to be fraudulent. So we closed your account as a security measure.

Me: Okay, so what are the fraudulent charges?

FAS: *rattles off charges* Sir, is this charge familiar to you?

Me: No.

FAS: Sir, are you in California?

Me: No.

FAS: Well sir, these charges are from service stations in California. They originated there.

Me: Oh.

FAS: Sir, is your wife in California?

Me: No.

FAS: Okay, so these are fraudulent charges?

Me: Yes…

After this point, they sent me the information and confirmed my mailing address and stuff. The phone call ended.

Now, he was able to get away with the whole “we’re super concerned and did the right thing” crap in the moment, but it only took about a day for me to think “how in the FUCK did they get my credit card information? I haven’t personally HANDED my card to ANYONE for over a year. Knowing a little bit about how money flows through these companies, I decided to give them a call to see what lie they were going to tell me (since they hadn’t gone on record – preemptively – with the whole “consultant with a laptop” bullshit). I called them a few times. Here’s what they told me:

1. That I went to a store and when I swiped my card through a slot, there must have been an extra bit on it that took my information and allowed people to make a card copy with my information on it.
2. That I went to a store and when I handed my credit card to the sales person, they scanned it twice, once in the right place, and once in the Pwn place.
3. That a store that I shopped at had a security breach, and they sent the bank the information and my account was on that list.
4. That it was in no way the banks fault, there were no breaches on their side, and that my information is safe. Now. Somehow. Trust me?

The thing that’s sad about this is that people actually accept the responsibility for this shit. I can’t really blame them when the bank is literally telling them “you made a bad decision”, “you made a bad decision”, “the store that you shopped at made a bad decision” and “this is in no way our fault”. Fuck that.

People, understand that your information is being sent all over the planet. Your personal information, your credit information, your tax information, your medical claim information. All of it. You can be pwned, it’s just a matter of when/if your number is drawn at this point.